I often like to keep my personal life separate from my blog in hopes of remaining as unanimous as possible with the emphasis on inspiring and giving a voice to those who feel like they don’t have one. In the purpose of this particular subject, exposing a little about me will be doing just that. For those of you who don’t know, I am a baseball girlfriend. What does that mean? Well… a lot.
I frequently talk a lot about minor league life and the injustices that come along with it, but rarely about my part on a daily basis of how it personally affects my life. I became a member of the professional baseball girlfriends & wives club loosely in spring 2017. My entire life before then had been as a fan and an employee of the game in various capacities. I learned so much from my professional experiences and even more from my personal experiences about life in the game as a whole.
Entering this world was hard for me, and although i’m heading into my third full year as the girlfriend of a professional baseball player, I’d like to reflect on some of my experiences while offering some friendly advice to the girls heading in to their first ever spring training and professional baseball season ever.
I know how terrifying it is to think about having to put yourself out there with a group of people you don’t know. I know the anxiety that comes with the life, the unknown, the uncontrollable, the ups and downs. I want to use this platform to exchange my personal experiences while relaying the best advice I can give to new girls.
I’ll never forget the first time I met a larger group of girls when my boyfriend was promoted from A ball to AA. They were all sitting together, laughing, enjoying themselves and I knew that it would be expected of me introduce myself and learn to be part of the group. I was so nervous, and honestly uncomfortable, but I did what I had to do and I walked up with a smiling face, introduced myself, and tried to act like I belonged.
*Full disclosure: I may or may not have had to sneak two tiny bottles of Tito’s into the stadium to mix with a soda to take the edge off and loosen up. You really do have to do what you have to do*
Your stories and experiences will be different, there is no perfect formula for this life. But knowing that others struggled with adjusting and continuing to live this life was comforting to me, so here is my best advice to the newly girls heading into their first professional season.
1. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. This is the most important of all. It’s easy to get consumed with the emotions of your significant other and the roller coaster ride they are on everyday. You have to remember you’ll have your own roller coaster rides yourself. Make sure that no matter what, the relationship is 50/50. Putting an emphasis on each others self care is the only way either of you will feel valued and supported in the relationship. There will be moments or even time frames where his emotions will be more out of whack than yours. I’ve learned that those are the situations where you rearrange the percentage and be selfless for the greater good – only if you know that it will be reciprocated back to you.
2. Your baseball bestie is out there, these things take time. Don’t fret if you don’t find your baseball bestie right away. The girlfriend world of baseball is incredibly overwhelming, and although it is wonderful to find support from people who actually understand the daily eb and flow of what it is like, taking your time to find that one person you connect with most is okay. Not finding them at all is fine too. Having well-rounded friendships with everyone is healthy and totally normal. Although I do believe your baseball bestie is out there, that doesn’t mean it will happen right away. My baseball bestie (hey Alexis!) is the girlfriend of my boyfriends best friend in his old organization and although it normally works like that, sometimes it doesn’t, which is exciting too. We bonded over mutual friends, shopping, pre-game margaritas and miniature golf double date nights during spring training. Simple, yet humanistic aspects of slowly creating relationships with people do not shy away from the world of baseball, even though it might feel that way. It’s also important to remember that people come into your life in all sorts of ways at different times. You might connect through an Instagram message or bump into each other at a game. Be open to new people and new possibilities and try not to judge right away, a mistake I’m willing to admit I succumbed to. Everyone is uniquely wonderful in their own way and you learn a lot about yourself, life, and the world from being open to other women.
3. Find something you’re passionate about like they are passionate about baseball. In their (your guys) pursue of being the best they can be, you should be doing the same. If you’re working in another city, a full-time traveling wife or girlfriend, have your own business, work on the go, or don’t work at all but have a continuous hobby, whatever it is – that’s great and extremely important. Indulge yourself in your own extracurriculars that bring happiness to your life aside from the field. If you’re travelling, find a gym that has month-to-month memberships and take weekly classes. Urge other girls around you to have movie and wine nights when the guys are on the road. Stay connected to things off the field. The guys will feel less pressure knowing you are building things of your own, connecting and making your own relationships and they will will feel more confident that both of you are committed to creating something real.
4. Stay WOKE. By this I mean ask questions, be conversational, immerse yourself in new people, but don’t open up to much too soon. It’s okay to be reserved in some ways and to let relationships develop in a timely matter. Nothing and no one is requiring you to be an open book right away. Fast friends can turn into lasting friendships by using the same natural instincts you had when making friends in school. Reflecting on the past year, I feel I had said too much at times or too little at others. I wish that I had a better feel. I don’t regret opening up too quick because I now know everyone had good intentions; I just wish I had waited to be so venerable. You have nothing to prove to anyone other than being yourself.
5. Save the competition for the boys. How could you not feel the need to be competitive when you’re literally at a baseball game filled with players all competing against and with each other to get to the same place? When you think about it, it’s a very tense atmosphere. We all think our boyfriends are the best ever and that’s how it should be. But really, everyone on the field has accomplished something really incredible. And the fact that they’re still dedicated to it everyday means a lot. I learned that swapping the technical prospect talk for another time for cheering on the girl you know can’t be there’s man is much more venerable. Think of it this way – you never know the last time they’ve seen their parents, their siblings, their girlfriends, their dog… It’s a constant grind (as they all say), on the road off the road, never knowing what the future holds. And while they probably won’t hear you or notice, that support to the other girls means more than you know.
Some of my favorite memories came from moments when I couldn’t be there. Receiving videos of my boyfriend pitching when I couldn’t be there because the girls would laugh he’d walk off and on the field the same exact way each inning, every game. They were usually snap chats with a funny comment attached. Simple and trivial as that seems, they always made my day. I simply knew they were thinking of me and proving the relationship went way beyond surface level. I’ll miss those moments with my girl Jalena.
6. This might be the arguably the most important key to MILB girlfriend life. If you have a dog PLEASE PLEASE let us all play with it. I really cannot stress this enough. Bring it to the field as much as you can and if you can’t bring it to the field please call me and let me come over and play with it at least twice a week. I know I mentioned before hosting wine & movie nights and I’d just like to clarify that pets should always be invited as well. Dogs instinctually make people happier and they create a lighter atmosphere, which is really what we need.
Everyone will feel things out in their own way. There are no rights or wrongs, but what I really want to stress is that this life should be about girls supporting girls regardless of the competition that surrounds us. And dogs, it’s about the dogs too.
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