New York is a city with millions and millions and millions of humans, but believe me when I say, it’s a lot smaller than you think.
Last night I travelled out to Queens (Astoria, but still) to grab dinner with one of my best friends who is currently approaching her first set of finals in law school at St. Johns University. We normally meet somewhere fabulous in the West Village or SOHO, but she had been studying all day, basically on the verge of a mental breakdown, so I braved the R train out to Queens to allot her a night of distraction.
I’ve never been a huge fan of cheesy overused sayings like, “Everything happens for a reason.” but after trading in a fabulous night in the West Village for a quiet quick dinner in queens, my life has officially been changed, for the better.
We finished dinner around 10pm, which in New York means it was safe to order an Uber pool back to my apartment in Brooklyn. The driver picked me up first and stopped a few minutes later at a bar down the street and let two seemingly intoxicated boys shove in next to me.
In the sensitive interest of keeping this as anonymous as possible I am going to refer to my co-passangers as Uber Pool Guy 1 and Uber Pool Guy 2.
After a few moments of awkward silence and watching one of the boys struggling to act sober, Uber Pool Guy 1 looked at the picture of my boyfriend playing baseball as the lock screen on my phone and jokingly asked me if it was a picture of Roy Halladay, a big name in the news as at the time as his death was so fresh. Unsure if he was being obnoxious, trying to be relevant to current times, or genuinely thought it was a picture of Roy Halladay– I gently laughed and responded, “No”.
He continued to ask me, “So are you a Blue Jays fan?” Assuming we were still talking about Roy Holladay, I answered “No I’m not. But to be honest I associate Halladay more with the Phillies than I would with the Blue Jays.” He answered that he agreed and mentioned he was present at Halladay’s perfect game in Philly where he attended undergrad.
Suddenly interested in my baseball knowledge, Uber Pool Guy 2 finally spoke and the three of us started into causal conversation. They told me how they ended up in New York and about their upcoming completion of their doctorate degrees in physical therapy here in New York. Our conversation died down shortly as the two of them continued to chat amongst themselves when Uber Pool Guy 2 mentioned something about his former baseball team.
Uninterested yet suddenly intrigued, I leaned forward a bit and asked him where he played? Expecting him to be refering to his high school baseball team, I was surprised to learn that he was the starting third baseman for all his years attending The University of San Francisco. I mentioned that I spent some time living in the Bay Area, and we realized we had a mutual acquaintance. The world started to become small as we looked to social media to share our meeting in an Uber in New York City to our mutual friend. We continued to talk ball. I mentioned all my experiences working in baseball; for the Cape League, Spring Training, and this blog. He remembered me saying that the background of my phone was actually a picture of my boyfriend and not Roy Halladay. He asked me in the most casual and non-invasive way what his credentials are and where he went to school. Realizing not only that he was from Seattle and my boyfriend went to college in Spokane, Washington but that USF played Gonzaga, his alma matter, multiple times while they were both attending school. He asked me his name, and immediately recognized who he was. He then looked up a game from 2014 that my boyfriend had started against USF. We laughed that Andrew had struck him out twice and he was impressed with his statistics from that game. He then mentioned a former Gonzaga teammate of my boyfriend that he knew as well.
We talked more about baseball and how he was super content with the fact that he bypassed the draft to go to medical school and where he might have given up a successful baseball career, he felt it to be more rewarding to go to pursue a career in physical therapy than to chase a career in baseball, something so different from what you normally hear from former players.
As the conversation progressed more and more familiar people and experiences came up. I found myself having the best time in the back seat of this tiny sedan driving from Queens to Brooklyn and the world as I knew it was continuing to get smaller and smaller.
But, what was to happen in the coming moments was something I would have never expected although I am entirely grateful it did. Earlier in the car ride I had overheard Uber Pool Guy 1 say to Uber Pool Guy 2 something along the lines of “Don’t worry…I’ll get you home to your husband safe.”
I nosily made it my business to shift the conversation from purely surface level topics to a more intimate discussion about life. I asked him why he chose to go to PT school on the east coast being from Seattle and completing undergrad in San Francisco. He explained to me that the majority of the better programs are on the east coast and that New York City had a lot of employment opportunities for his husband. I responded swiftly as if it didn’t even shock me to hear he was openly gay. I explained how it made sense to me and that I’m sure that living in NYC has been a really great experience as well. I really enjoyed learning his story and felt comfortable enough to politely ask the question I never thought I’d have the opportunity to discuss.
“Do you mind me asking about your experience being gay and playing baseball?” I softly asked him. I knew I needed to approach this subject as sensitively as I could but knowing our time together was shortly approaching, I knew I had to say something and fast. After all, he was the first openly gay baseball player I’ve ever heard of (besides Billy Beane) and definitely the only gay athlete I’ve ever met.
Luckily for me, he was very candid, honest and satisfied with who he was, and he was ready to tell me everything about his experience. He told me how he came out to his entire team his senior year of playing and even though he was in San Francisco, there were times where it seemed like it created conflict for a handful of players. Even so, he assured me that his experience not only being an openly gay athlete, but an openly gay baseball player wasn’t a negative one at all. Yes, there were times when guys were difficult, but him coming out and playing baseball ultimately didn’t change anything about being a teammate and a friend..
Unfortunately and honestly, I was shocked. I’m not really sure what I expected him to say in regards to his experience. I guess I had expectations of hearing horror stories due to the fact that I have always felt that baseball lacks inclusion. And when you lack inclusion, you lack acceptance. There are so many people involved in baseball; from the college level through the minor leagues, to the 40-man rosters of 30+ teams throughout the country and abroad, there is bound to be a diverse, eclectic group of personalities and especially opinions, but you never hear stories like this.
The truth is, you really never know what to expect when social issues meet the locker room. I was lucky enough to hear it from someone who lived it.
We also talked about how he planned to navigate being an openly gay player traveling through the minor leagues, if he chose baseball over his career today. He told me that some of his apprehensiveness came from hearing stories from a friend of his who struggled being an openly gay minor league baseball player. He assured me that fear wasn’t his reason for walking away from the game, but something he couldn’t help but think about.
We arrived at my apartment first. As I fixed to get out we exchanged goodbyes and mentioned that if he’s ever in the bay area or anywhere we might both be, he’d love to meet up and chat again. He said it was refreshing to speak with me and that he enjoyed our conversation and his opportunity to tell his story and continue to be honest about who he is, even though the world he came from isn’t entirely comfortable with it yet.
So that random night in Queens that looked so different from my normal life ended up being an experience I will never forget.
And If you know me personally, you can wholeheartedly say that this is exactly what I would want to be doing on a Saturday night. Speaking with people in sports with unique stories so that I can use their words and experiences to change the game in my own way.
I don’t want to be selfish, but I knew the second I walked into my apartment that I needed to tell this story as it really was one of the most unexpectedly amazing experiences of my life. I am grateful that I met him. It gave me an opportunity to really think about all the changes I want to see happen within baseball and how I want to have a part in being responsible for sports doing more than what they are now.
babeswhoball.com 