Story written by Shannon Lynch
Hello babes! You don’t know me yet, and I don’t know you – but I am anxious and excited to get the chance to speak to you and hopefully connect through this blog. I thought of doing somewhat of an introduction post, about who I am, what I do, where I live, etc. But honestly, I think there’s simply one thing you need to know about me before we begin this written relationship. This is it: I am a majorly emotional person. If given the option, I think with my heart and not my head. Even if NOT really given the option, I think with my heart and not my head. I am constantly in the feels – the familial feels, the romantic feels, the friendship feels, the societal feels. I am mushy, through and through. And I’d like to say, being in the feels, all the time, during a worldwide pandemic, is a trip.
I imagine a lot of you are like me. Maybe not as dramatic (congrats, that seems better) or maybe just as much of a mess as I feel like I am 99% of the time. But I feel like we are all consumed by feelings these days … because what else is there to do? A lot of them are negative – I promise, the more Fox News your exposed to at your parents’ house, the stronger these feels are. A lot of them are hopeful – people making promises that once this quarantine is over, things will be different. People will choose to be more purposeful, more positive, more loving. But if you’re anything like me, the most overwhelming feelings are those of guilt. Let’s talk about that. Guilt for:
Not feeling up to connecting to the people you love
While FaceTime and Zoom are amazing pieces of technology that allow us to connect in unprecedented times, they can also be (and for me have proven to be) incredibly draining. Looking at your friends through a screen does not detract from the fact that you’re interacting only through a screen. For me, these video chats often serve as a sad reminder of the situation I’m in, and how far I am from the people I love. For me, FaceTime calls don’t count as downtime, and even though it brings me joy to see the faces of the people I miss, I find calls lasting multiple hours WEAR ME OUT emotionally. So much screen time, talking, being “on”, especially while feeling emotionally drained by everything else that’s happening in the world … it’s hard!!
Not putting in enough effort – to work, to workouts, to self-improvement projects. Feels
Like everyone’s baking sourdough bread, working out every day, completing 7,000 piece puzzles … here I am, curled up in bed just trying to make it through the work day without feeling totally useless.
Being sad that the plans you had have to be cancelled
I’m grieving my canceled trip out west, but feel bad that I’m sad at all because people everywhere are canceling weddings, funerals, unable to see their loved ones in the hospital, etc. My problems don’t even measure up – why should I get to be sad?
Worrying about yourself and asking for what you need
I’ve been in therapy for over year due to my struggle with this one. Part of my emotionally-driven personality is a real need to please people, even at the expense of myself. I’ve always felt that asking for what I need, whether it’s space or attention, is a major burden to those around me. The guilt piles on when I feel like I need alone time, but I need to be spending most of my time catering to the needs of those around me.
There is much guilt overwhelming the mind and the soul. But the truth is – we have nothing to feel sorry for. As one of my very kind friends pointed out so eloquently to me the other night, “obviously, there’s no right or wrong way to do all this. And therefore, no failing.” And she’s right. We’re in the midst of a global pandemic. Nobody has the right answers, and we’re all simply doing our best. You could do all the self-love, gratitude-filled, generous, thoughtful things to make those guilty feelings go away and it wouldn’t always work. Many of these days will still feel like major shit because we’re not handling this well enough … or thoughtfully enough. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean things won’t get better, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t enough. When I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with guilt, these are some of very simple things I try to do.
This advice is given very humbly, but I do hope that some of the things that work for me might work for you too.
Walk outside.
Do it with a cocktail or some water in your hand, with your roommate or completely alone, with headphones in or enjoying the silence, in the rain or in the sun. Just, get outside. It’s so important to escape the confines of your home and feel reminded of the fact that you’re a very small part of this giant world, a giant world that still holds a lot of beauty. Moving feels good. It’s something we still have in our grasp –the freedom to escape to nature. Do it as much as you can.
Wash your face.
This one just feels good. You really don’t need to do any special skin care routine or spend $70 dollars on a scrub. Just, grab some soap and warm water. If you wanna get especially fancy, cut yourself some cucumber slices and sit them over your eyelids while you lay back in the comfiest spot in your house and listen to Norah Jones. Do it for 2 minutes or 15 min – I promise you, a fresh face can change how you feel completely.
Do something once a day that makes you feel in control.
Sadly for my wallet, I’ve been doing this by online shopping. It sounds kind of ridiculous but hear me out – we’re living in a time where so much of what we want is completely out of our grasp. But, with online shopping – you see something that makes you happy, you decide to get it, and you get it. Voila. You did it. Boom. And you don’t need to murder your wallet for this one! You find a cute floral $4 mask on Etsy? There ya go – less than a Starbucks coffee.Plus, it can give you the chance to support small and local businesses! Shopping’s not the only way to do this – you can feel in control by shutting off your TV at a certain time of night to let your mind rest. Find what works for you and run with it.
Find a way to give back.
For me, the easiest way to do this is by following @SheaSerrano on Twitter. Nearly every day he’s posting on behalf of someone or a cause that needs financial assistance – and it’s as easy as shooting him fives over Venmo. Also, it doesn’t have to be monetary – make dinner for your parents or your roommate. Bring up your neighbor’s trash cans from the street (wear gloves!). Send your bestie a book recommendation. Read up on a cause you don’t know that much about and share it with your social media followers. Do something every day that isn’t really FOR you. You’d be surprised how much it ends up doing for you anyway.
Remind at least one person you love that you love them.
Go out of your way to send a text to a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy –hell, it can simply be a GIF of two dogs hugging (that’s my favorite cause it’s just so versatile and cute). A song you hear makes you think of someone? Send it their way! If you’re want to put a little more time into it, send some snail mail to your coworkers, or an email to your grandma. The anticipation of waiting to hear back from them brings some real excitement to your life, and you’ll be amazed at how much people appreciate the seemingly small gestures. You could turn their whole day around which honestly will probably just turn your whole day around too.
It’s only right that I’ve begun my presence on this blog with an incredibly long-winded piece. It’s the kind of writer I am – my apologies. My final word of advice (again, given humbly), is this:
We’re so often hearing the phrase today “you never know what people are going through.” But the phrase typically stops there. And what I recommend is that you start to ASK. It’s amazing what you’ll find that the people in your life – people you think you know really well (and also seem to have their whole lives together) are really truly going through. It’s amazing the relief they’ll get by feeling like they can tell you about it without being judged, and it’s amazing to feel the relief in recognizing that you are far from alone in all those feelings of guilt we talked about above.
We’re apart right now, but we’re not alone. Be kind to yourself, babes. You deserve at least that in these tough days.
With love, Shannon
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